“i have nothing to declare except my GENIUS”- oscar wilde

March 2012

'When someone says that they're ok, they're actually not.'

'I'm fine.'

'No, really, I'm okay.'

Okay, okay. I get it. You're not okay.

But I'm not annoyed about the fact that people failed to persist in questioning me when I'm down. I'm annoyed because people even asked me that horrible question in the first place. Stop asking me if I'm okay, dammit. What can you say to make me feel better about failing my piano test? What can you change about the fact that I feel like nothing is ever good enough? What would you do if I tell you that I have depression and have problems curbing suicidal thoughts? That's right, nothing. Nothing at all.

Ask yourself. What kind of answer were you expecting me to give in the first place? If I went with the standard requisite answer by uttering those overrated two words and wrestling a fake smile onto my face, which I did, by the way, we'd always end up with one of us cracking a joke and laughing it off and that's the end of that. But what if I told you the truth? It'll be awkward, no? Seriously! Don't pretend to care when you don't actually give a damn.

Just no.

It annoys me.

And you. Stop trying to pretend you can handle more than you can take. We all know the truth - you can't make it. You can't handle the strain. You're not fit for this kind of job. Stop pretending to be strong when you're actually too weak to handle the fact that you're not. Why must you insist on being so selfish? You're so selfish because you don't ever seem to care whether me or your other friends or that person are in pain every time we see you break down.

Really. Stop pretending. It's not cool.

-----

Okaaay~

Sorry, sorry. I'm in a bad mood (as usual, I hear you say) and I'm sorry for sounding like a whiny bitch. In my defence, I have a naturally low tolerance for other people's crap and I get allergic reactions every time I come within a ten feet radius of it. I get rashes and headaches and I'll have to spend the next few days in bed being horrible to my poor brother. So please, spare a thought for me and keep your crap to yourselves.

No I'm just kidding - I'm a nice person.

Do I sense a gun being aimed at me?

I have a newfound ambition to buy a Lambhorghini when I grow up. As soon as I figure out how to pronounce it.

And I just realized that I'm also allergic to weekend mornings. You know, I get dizzy and irritable if I wake up too early in the morning. And by morning, I mean any time before twelve noon. Funnily enough everyone else seems to have the same problem. Newfound, unexposed epidemic? Must be contagious.

I'll live.

I'm looking forwards to Cambodia, too (CAMBOOOOOOOODIAAAA) but after flipping through the guidebook again, I'm beginning to get the feeling that it's more like a leisurely tour more than an OCIP. I don't want a tour, man - I want to go to Cambodia for hard work, for the poverty and dirt. And I end up with an itinerary which ends at six in the evening and some new fancy pants hotel. I am not pleased.

I've a feeling I won't get around packing until five minutes before departure, either. Ha. Haha.

I don't like theory.

Yeah.